Hey Girl. Whatcha Lookin’ At?

The recent buzz around social media is that it creates a false sense of reality and encourages comparison. The big punch line is that young girls are harming themselves because they can’t keep up with “the girl next door”- literally. Well, I personally feel like this is an age old argument. From the moment Facebook started, naturally, people only post pretty, positive, happy-go-lucky photos. For the most part. Unless it’s a post asking for a call to action usually for a person in need. But for the most part, social media, especially Instagram, is a very visual community. And lets be real – no one wants to look at ugly stuff! If they did, Instagram wouldn’t exist. It’s just the nature of the 3×3 square beast.

Ok – so this rant has been beaten to death and I’m honestly not even going to give it any more attention. (and if you follow me on Instagram you heard my opinions on this already). But…what the whole conversation has gotten me thinking about is comparison, shaming, and judging…amongst women. Now – hear me out! Before you start rolling your eyes and clicking the little red X in the top corner because this “doesn’t apply to you”, just hear me out!

Amidst this whole social media “uprising”, I was watching a video by a super inspiring momma who shared, very honestly, her feelings. And she addressed something that REALLY hit home with me. She so eloquently said – in many more words than these – basically – If something that someone posts bothers you, then the problem is not them. Its you!

Yep! Boom! Mic drop! This hits hard huh? Not something that we want to think about or really deal with. But I honestly don’t think any truer words have ever been spoken.

Go with me for just a second. Entertain my crazy notion here….

You’re scrolling IG and you see the image of an immaculate kitchen. Whether its a post by an influencer or by your next door neighbor. Where is the first place your mind goes? Is it “oh geez (insert eye roll) – must be nice to have a magazine kitchen.” Is it “I bet she didn’t do finger paints with her kids today because she was too busy decorating her kitchen to look like a Pinterest post.” Is it “ha ha ha. Thats funny. We all know she just shoved all the crap to the corner and took a picture of one clean corner in her house. She’s not even showing us real life.”

Now, if those are your thoughts. That’s mom shaming! And guess what? We’ve all done it!

It goes so far beyond social media. You may not  even have Instagram or Facebook. But you are probably part of a book club or a moms group or an exercise class. All places that women “discuss” other women.

Whether it’s the lady in Target with the kid screaming louder and kicking harder than your child ever dared to. Or if its the mom in Chick-fil-A feeding her kid french fries and chasing it down with a milkshake and your kid is eating grilled nuggets and fruit. We’ve ALL (myself included) glanced, and judged.

I read this quote this week and I can’t shake it —- “Don’t worry about what I’m doing. Worry about WHY you’re worried about what I’m doing.”

This just emphasizes this “issue.” We do it! We ALL do it! Maybe not EVERY time. But we’ve all done it once or twice. It’s human nature. It’s called envy. (thanks Eve – insert eye roll again)

Think about this for a second – we all scroll Pinterest and pin extravagant, white, unrealistic kitchens to our “dream kitchen” board with not a second chance thought about it. BUT, the minute there is a person attached to that photo – an influencer with 100k followers or a friend of a friend you met in a mom group – we “judge”. And maybe you aren’t judging. But you have an opinion.

So – here’s where my mind wouldn’t stop. (side note – does this happen to anyone else? you read a quote or you hear someone speak one little sentence and you literally can’t get it out of your head. you can’t stop obsessing over it for days? I hope so! I hope I’m not the only crazy one 😉

I couldn’t stop thinking about how we don’t give each other the benefit of the doubt. And by “each other”, I mean women. Why aren’t we looking at the mom in Target and saying “man. what if she is new to the area? What if she knows no one who can watch her kid, and he has the stomach flu but she was desperate for diapers so she had to bring him.” Or why aren’t we looking at the mom in Chick-Fil-A and saying “wow. what if she just found out that a close family member died and she is struggling tonight and couldn’t think straight to cook, much less fight with her kid about what he’s eating for dinner.”

Why aren’t we encouraging and lifting up other women and moms more often? Because lets be honest – men likely aren’t going to do it. ha ha. We all talk about how we need “words of affirmation.” Why aren’t we each others affirmation? Tom always says when we go out – “You don’t dress up for me. You dress up for the other wives going to dinner with us.” ha ha ha. And he’s partially right. We are our own worst critics.

So here is my “resolution” to this rant – lets start with little things.

• In that moment, in Target, lets go up to that mom and offer our help. “Oh momma! I’ve been in your shoes before. I totally get it! Can I help you get your stuff to the car?”
• Instead of waiting for your girlfriend with the husband who travels 3 nights a week to ask for your help (because you know she never will) – text her a simple affirmation “hey! I know it must be so hard to be a single parent 3 nights a week and I’m sure you are exhausted.  But just know that I recognize all of your hard work and I’m encouraged by you.”

And these are just my ignorant suggestions for the handful of you that actually read this blog. But this is a subject that I haven’t been able to shake for a week now. And I just feel so strongly about it! Why are we tearing each other down? Why are we so concerned about what Suzie Q down the street is doing? It’s because we have our own issues. All of us! So let’s start dealing with those issues by projecting some positivity, some affirmations, onto our fellow warrior women! After all – we’re in this together!

Rock on momma!

-Meghan